La douleur exquise

Placeholder ImageYou got married all of a sudden! Why did you not tell me? I loved you Tia!

He tried to fathom an answer in her unrelenting eyes.

Her lips quivered, she wanted to tell him how much she had missed him over the years, but she resisted the urge.

No longer did she have those letters.

The memories, however, were more concrete than the tangibility of those scented pages. The first of those verses had the boyish charm, “…the sky must have been crying when you were born, as it had lost its most beautiful star…,”  “…the love that I feel for you is Platonic..”

There was something visceral about re-reading those verses; she’d read them over the years whenever she was sad, to restore her faith in love, in the hope of spring that would follow the dead winter of her life- a life, that was a constant struggle.

Aakash felt that it would be improper to create a scene in the cafè, and confrontations are vulgar, devoid of aesthetics. He asked her to order something. She felt a pressure release her head and she decided to go for a Vegan shake.

Why Vegan shake? When did you turn one? He was surprised, as he felt the vegan movement was an American fad, and that in India, cows were worshipped, so there was no need to worry.

It was funny, she thought, as if religious rituals were a panacea for everything, absolving one of all the committed sins, intentional crimes, and unintentional wrong-doings.

Yeah right! Slap someone and then say that you’d go home and worship your deity!

But, animals can’t think Tia!

She had come across the likes of Aakash many times. Thus, she knew that it was better to maintain silence than further debate on the issue.

And, a residual feeling of love for him that she’d stored in a corner of her heart, evaporated. The quivering of her heart gave way to a steely expression then.

She didn’t marry all of a sudden. She waited for him all these years, for a phone call, or his appearance before her parents. She surmised that he was a coward, scared of difficulties in life. He never showed up. He didn’t know that she waited for him seven years, to finally succumb to the pressure of her directionless life. No longer did she desire a companion, but wanted a mature partner, an older partner.

The wait had rusted her desires. She no longer looked for love, but stability.

– (To be continued)

PS: Since I am trying to learn French, that’s why I used the French word for ‘Unrequited love.’




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